personal, ramblings, thoughts

Jazz Bands and Pole Fitness

And here it happens again. After a lot of heated love-giving that had been going on around here, I completely neglected my relationship with my blog (and my only creative outlet for the time being) because I took it for granted and wanted to have some fun around. In fact, I neglected it almost as much as I have neglected myself.

Thinking about the past two and a half months puts me in a state of raw panic because I have absolutely no idea where all the 101,969 minutes went. Like seriously, no clue. Even my planner cannot keep up with the pace of the Earth spinning. I feel like there’s a cosmic conspiracy to speed up our revolution around the Sun because there has been so much $#%! going on around here that it feels kinda obliged to make more time pass by before the next catastrophe strikes. Or it just wants to see if the hideous Mexican wall will be visible from space. #whoknows

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personal, poetry, ramblings, thoughts

Your Truth And Nothing But

Seems as if I am numb.
As the wounds have started healing,
I am left with no ink to write on old parchment,
No tears to stain the written words,
And no cuts left for me to lick the blood off.

Seemed as if I would only hurt.
As days have passed and gone by,
I realized that is the case only if you count them,
Not if you let time gently stroke your hair
And sing you lullabies for good night.

Turns out it is all a choice.
As the songs you sang don’t ring a bell,
I am done with empty words of a man I thought I knew,
No bed in a room in a house that you’d come back to
And Everything I Do, I’m Not Gonna Think Of You.

poetry, ramblings, thoughts

Anxiety

I’m pouring out like waterfall,
My body is trembling and weak
My bones are disjointedly hanging
The pictures in my mind are bleak.

My heart is made of wax
And I can feel it melt inside
I’m afraid if I start pouring
I’ll drown and be taken with the tide.

Petrified I go through the days
Seeing the monster in my mind’s eye
It is not hiding under the bed anymore
That is why I know it’s gonna make me die.

In the mirror it lurks when I look
It composes the air of each breath
And day by day, brought all to mind
When I look in the mirror I see death.

quotes, ramblings, thoughts

To My Body: The Whole Lot

Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.

-Hans Selye

I’ve tried so hard to train you
How to respond to all the worries
And all the thoughts
The brain self-willingly imposes on both of us
What to do
And what not
How to react
And how not
And I’ve punished you
For every single flop
And mistake
And breakdown
That now I only wish
I had instead trained myself
How to accept you
How to nurture you
How to love you

ramblings, thoughts

Writing Is Nothing But Nouns and Verbs

It is so easy and yet so hard to write about unrequited love.
Because even though you have those 27 letters dancing at the tip of your fingers
And so many feelings in the form of long threads woven by words
Whatever is put in simple writing
Can never, ever be good enough
Nor can depict well enough
The storm building up inside of you.

ramblings, thoughts, works of fiction

Your Asides (For You)

a·side (noun, singular)
A remark or passage by a character in a play that is intended to be heard by the audience, but unheard by the other characters in the play.

Unheard by you. In time of lies telling the sometimes-horrible truth is a revolutionary act, and something about you makes me rather weak in the knees than rebellious. I might not be brave enough to let the words roll off my tongue, but more importantly, I have no intent to keep trying to make you understand something as alien as feelings. Because even if I do, you still wouldn’t hear me, not my mumblings nor my intentions, but a diluted version of my words and actions.

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