my mind has gone winter on me, so i am without warmth. i am a chaotic blood rising between my teeth. i try to use these soft hands to shove it all back down, to keep in control, to remain in one piece, to remain whole.
please let me finish this year without screwing myself over, please let me get out of here will all my fingers, all my heartstrings, without having every friendship i have known ruined.
i want to go back to when i could remember how to laugh right. i want to sleep well. i want to wake up and not feel like hell.