Feel impossibly conflicted. Feel like every move you make, every decision you make, is scrutinized, criticized, politicized. Be pretty, but not too pretty. Be beautiful and ageless, but don’t alter your face or your body too much. Be enough of everything, but not too much of anything. Don’t blame or force accountability onto Hollywood or the media or corporate interests which profit entirely off your self-hate in order to get your money. Take responsibility! Exercise if you hate your body. Wear makeup if you hate your face. Look good. Always look good.
Take care of yourself, but not out of vanity. Take care of yourself, but do not be too obsessed. “Ugh, she spends an hour contouring her face, stop lying!” “Ugh, she really needs more makeup on, yikes!” Be natural, but like, in a pretty way. Be thin, but like, don’t ever talk about how it’s not effortless. Be curvy, but like, not fat. Have anger spewed at you if you are “bold enough” to post a picture of you happy and fat. Have anger spewed at you if you are thin. Have anger spewed at you if you just exist in a body and identify as female.
Wonder when it became “brave” or “fearless” to love yourself or your body no matter what shape or size or color it is.
Fat. Remember that the worst thing you could be is fat. Shame and hate yourself to thinness. Join a gym! Put down the cheeseburger! Men don’t want to fuck you if you’re not thin, don’t you know that? Feel morally inept and undeserving of dignity, love, desire if you cannot fit your body into a size 8 or less. Drown in shame. Hate yourself. How could you ever be motivated to thinness if you are not fueled by self-loathing, shame, and hatred for yourself?
Skinny. Be skinny, but not too skinny. Stop going to the gym! You’re obsessed. Eat a cheeseburger! Eat a sandwich! Men don’t want to fuck a skeleton, don’t you know that? Feel morally inept and undeserving of dignity, love, desire if you do not have boobs, a butt, a naturally curvy figure. Drown in shame. Hate yourself. How could you ever be motivated to achieve the perfect female figure if you are not fueled by self-loathing, shame, and hatred for yourself?
Feel like your life is a political statement and become outraged by this. Feel weirdly competitive and jealous of other women and not entirely understand why. Realize that everything you’ve been consuming since you were a young girl has showcased the competitiveness of women. Wonder why you can’t like yourself unless you are better than another woman.
Criticize women but like, as a sport. Body snark. Have no idea why it makes you feel oddly better when a beautiful woman doesn’t look as great as she once did. Have no idea why a woman being beautiful makes you hate her and admire her simultaneously. Have no idea what you’re competing for, but feel constantly in competition with other women.
Don’t write something like this. Don’t blame others for your problems. You’re just insecure. You’re just bitter. Nobody wants to fuck a frigid bitch. Nobody wants to fuck you if you’re fat or too skinny or if you’re too much of this or you’re too much of that. Wonder why you have to make your decisions on which path will make you more fuckable.
Change yourself, don’t demand anything changes on a cultural or societal level. Stop being so insecure about yourself. Don’t you know that talking like this is unattractive? And, don’t you know that being attractive is your chief priority in life? How dare you do anything which makes someone find you less appealing. How dare you “let yourself go.” How dare you use your voice to bring awareness, to hold other people accountable. Sit down and shut up. You’re just being sensitive. Emotional. You’re crazy. Psycho. Bitter.
Wonder when there will be progress. Wonder when enough of us will say enough is enough and meet each other somewhere, compromise, find some common ground. Wonder when each of us will feel free to make our own choices without the harsh criticism of others. Wonder when judgment will be synthesized into understanding. Wonder when we can all stop attacking each other and start standing together.
Hope. Keep hoping. And keep sharing. And keep being brave. Keep writing. Keep talking. Keep saying what needs to be said even when it’s hard and especially when it’s hard.